Accepting Charity Graciously

This may seem like kind of a backwards post under the topic of "frugality" but I feel it relates and should be addressed.  This is our last week in Ecuador and so at the elementary school where we teach, each class gave us a gift and the director (principal) threw us a lunch.  We were so touched by everything.  Even though we are volunteers and receive only a meager monthly stipend, we know that we are more financially stable than most of the people who donated to our gifts.  That caused me to think of this topic: how (and why) to accept generosity from someone less fortunate than yourself.  But for the purpose of this post, I will make it more general and want to talk about how accepting charity actually does relate to frugality.

Accepting an invitation to go out.  If someone invites to take your family out to dinner, think about their financial stability.  I don't mean ask them about their salary, but even if they don't wear their wealth on their sleeve, you can still generally deduce whether or not they are in a better financial situation than you are.  If the answer is an undoubted yes, accept the invitation.  If you are unsure, just remember that they probably won't offer unless they are able to pay.  If the answer is no, accept the invitation and offer to split the check.  
Reciprocity.  The concept of reciprocity put simply is the strong feeling of returning a favor.  If someone takes you out to dinner, reciprocity may make you feel guilty if you don't do the same in the future.  But don't fall in this trap.  Let people be generous to you.  You shouldn't feel the need to take them out to dinner as well unless they suggest it (hint: "We should do this again sometime" usually suggests they would like the favor returned).

Accepting charity from friends or family.  Studies have shown that most children will make more money than their parents did.  That doesn't mean you should reject generosity when your parents offer.  If you were thinking of buying Jimmy a bicycle for his birthday and your mom wants to pay for it, let her.  If you've been having trouble paying your cell phone bill and your closest brother offers to front you some money, or simply asks if he can take care of it for you this month, accept the kindness.  American families typically don't all stay put in one central location, which is why being able to show you care through helping out financially is sometimes very important to people.
Returning the favor.  With family members or close friends, they least of all expect you to pay them back.  But that doesn't mean you shouldn't.  If you know your dad has been eyeing that new tool set, but he just can't justify buying it for himself, get it for him.  When you have gotten back on your feet, thank your best friend for fronting you some money by getting him tickets to see his favorite basketball team.  The gesture doesn't have to be exactly equal to what they did for you.  Just something to show that you are grateful that they cared enough to intervene.

Accepting help from church friends.  I assume that in all churches the concept of lending a hand to your brother is taught.  For some people it gets them points in heaven, for others they feel it's their duty as a Christian, still others believe they are God's hands reaching out to His children.  In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we have a network of helpers called home teachers and visiting teachers.  These "teachers" are assigned to visit you, love you, and to check that your needs are being met (both temporal and spiritual).  Sometimes they offer to help, and sometimes they just show up ready to assist you in planting your garden.  Let them.  If they find out you have been working a lot and hence eating microwave meals, let them bring you dinner one night.  If you're about to tackle repainting your living room, a few more hands might not be a bad idea (you could always utilize their couch-moving skills, or their lemonade-making skills...).
Pay it forward.  If your religious friend helps you out of love for his fellow man, he does not expect (or sometimes may even reject) you to repay him.  The better option is to catch the charitable wave and help someone else.  Your next-door neighbor is moving?  I'm sure it would be easier with their kids out of the house.  Your landlady is in the hospital?  I'm sure a banana smoothie is better than whatever the hospital is serving.  Open your eyes.  You'll find plenty of opportunities to serve.

Asking for help in times of desperation.  It happens to all of us.  You've been frugal, but sometimes, there's just not enough money to pay the utility bill.  Or maybe your child has broken three bones in the past 11 months.  Or maybe you're a college student away from home for the first time and you haven't been very smart with your money and can't come up with enough for rent.  Whatever the situation, you need help and your blood isn't healthy enough to sell your plasma and your morals won't allow you to rob a bank.  You feel alone and no one knows how desperate you are.  Tell them.  Swallow your pride and call your parents.  Be humble enough to send your boss an e-mail and ask if you can get your paycheck early this month.  Pray for guidance.  God can help us - but it won't be by magically adding more zeros to our bank account.  He blesses us through other people.  Pray to know which of those people God has put in your life to help you.
Repay the debt.  In situations like this, where monetary help was solicited rather than offered, it is appropriate to pay it back.  Send a thank-you note with a check included.  They may not cash it, but at least this way they can know you are no longer in financial turmoil.

Being frugal.  So you've been frugal.  You've paid all your bills, your groceries were $25 less than expected, your grandma sent you money for your birthday, and your child just won a free family dinner for being the the best reader in her class.  You're not a millionaire yet, but you're doing just fine.  Congrats to you!  Now it's your turn to be on the other end of the generosity stick.  Send your mom chocolates instead of a card for Mother's Day.  Tell your best friend you're taking her to that restaurant she's been wanting to try.  Give $20 to the UNICEF boy at your door.  Buy your sci-fi neighbor the Star Wars version of Monopoly and have a game night.  It's so fun to be generous!