A Letter to the Parents of America (Sarah)

Dear Parents of America,

First, I would like to acknowledge that I realize you are trying your hardest to be good parents.  I understand that we live in a culture where you feel like a bad parent if your kid is not in at least 2 or 3 extra-curricular activities at a time.  I know that the pressure to have your kids fit in can be extreme.  I, too, have read The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother.  I get it.  I really do.

But...

Please take a deep breath. 

That's right, go ahead, do it. 

Deep Breath.  in   and   out.

Okay.  Now you're ready to hear what I'm about to say. 

Ask yourself this question:  What is my end goal when putting Johnny into basketball? or Sally into soccer?  Kylie into dance?

I know, right?  You never asked yourself that question, did you?

And yet, you are acting like your end goal is to have Johnny, Sally and Kylie GO PRO. 

I'm not above putting my kid in soccer :)

 

I am sure your seven-year-old is actually very good.  Maybe even he/she, with the right help, could make it to high school soccer.  Heck, maybe even college soccer.  But then what?  Really, what is your end goal here?  Are you trying to tell me that you not only believe that your kid will probably make the cut to be an elite professional soccer player AND that that's what you want?  Is that what you're trying to tell me? 

Did you already decide that Suzie is too dumb to become a doctor?  Is Jake too slow to be a lawyer?  With all the things that you could possibly choose to push your kid towards, you are choosing soccer.  That's what you're telling me.

No?  You actually don't want your kid to go pro?

Then answer me this:

Why are you screaming at your kid?  "Wake up, Jimmy!"  "You're missing the ball!"

Why are you freaking out at the coach and ref?

And why, then, are you dragging your kid to soccer/swim/piano/dance/play practice etc. EVERY night of the week and twice on Saturdays?  Why are you allowing your kid to miss family dinners, church activities and precious time with his Dad?  Why are you choosing to put your child in so many activities that he cries through his homework and falls asleep before his shower?  Is it worth it?

Now, I'll be the first to admit that I find myself sucked in to the same cycle.  I want my kids to experience so many things.  A lot can be learned from team sports.  Exercise, hard work, even excellence can be learned in the setting of extra-curricular activities.  There's a lot to be said for those things. 

Guess where else you can learn exercise, hard work and excellence?  You guessed it--AT HOME. 

Recently, I've been witness to more than my share of the ultra wound-up, freaking out, over-scheduled parents of our generation.  Parents who have been sucked into the mentality of making their kid do it all, without thought for balance.  It makes me sad for them.  And their kids.  It makes me want to try harder to remember my end goal.  If the goal isn't to make Jack and Joel (and Merrody and Norah and Hazel) into pro athletes, then what is it?

When I really think about what I want for them, I can honestly say that I sincerely don't want any of my children to become pro athletes, rock stars, famous actors, even President of the United States.  My best dreams for my children include quiet lives as mothers and fathers, husbands and wives, who work hard and live clean, good lives.  Who serve their community and help others. 

Is there an extra-curricular for that?

Love,


Sarah