Our Decision Not to Homeschool - by Bethany

Heather posted yesterday about her decision to homeschool. While I have nothing against homeschooling, I wanted both sides to be represented, as my husband and I came to a different conclusion after considerable research, pondering, and prayer. I support Heather's (and others') decision to homeschool. I don't think either choice is right for EVERYONE, or even that my views won't change over time. Anyway, here's my story:

We recently moved from California to the DC area for my husband's new job. After a lot of stress and effort, we found a decent place to live near his work. Then we started asking around to see what people in the area did for schooling. The first person we contacted in the local LDS congregation told us that anyone who could homeschool did, since the schools here are so bad. The next person we talked to said, "If you send your white kid to your local elementary school, she'll get beat up". We were convinced that the schools were dangerous and had poor academics, and prepared to homeschool. We were excited about it, and it seemed the only responsible thing to do.

When we actually arrived in town, we talked to a lot more people in our LDS community about what they were doing for school for their kids. (We were finally dealing with parents of kids who are currently elementary school age.) We didn't want to base our decision on other people's opinions, but we wanted to hear more personal experiences from the local public schools, as well as the local homeschooling community. We talked to some homeschooling parents. None of them lived in our specific school limits, but they said the schools inside our limits are better than most. We talked to another mom whose oldest was about to start kindergarten. She said she’d done a ton of research on all the options in the area (including homeschool) and chose the public school we're zoned for. Another family has been going to our public school for a while, and a family who moved in the same week we got here had decided to send their their kids there. As we talked to more and more people, it became clear that homeschooling wasn't the obvious choice (or even the popular choice) in our specific area.

So now we were back to where we started. Paul and I had discussed homeschooling pretty seriously months before when we were still in California. I was interested mostly to help Grace continue to advance in her academics, since she was so far ahead of her class and we had already decided against skipping a grade. Talented and Gifted programs don’t start until second grade, and Grace was ready for so much more than her kindergarten teacher was offering her. She was about to start first grade, and we needed to decide: If the public school is decent, then do the pros of homeschooling outweigh the pros of public schooling? We prayed and agonized and discussed and researched and talked to people for weeks before finally making our decision to go with the local public elementary school.

EDUCATIONAL PHILOSOPHY - We first had to figure out our philosophy on education and schooling. Is the ultimate goal for your child (Grace specifically) to get the very best academic education you can get them? Is the goal for Grace to go as far as she possibly can in her academic achievement? If academic achievement is the ultimate good, then why did I quit graduate school to stay home with my kids? What is the eternal perspective of all this? We decided we want Grace to get a good education, we want her to not be bored, and we want her to be able to learn about things that interest her. It seems like something you could guarantee with homeschool. What about with public school?

SOCIAL – In the eternal scheme of things, charity and relationships seem to be more important than knowledge and education. Yes, homeschooling has a community (it meets once a week), and I could sign her up for a ton of classes (for a fee), but we don’t feel like that would provide her the social skills and opportunities she needs. We want her to have friends she sees everyday and hangs out with at lunch and recess, and the chance to interact with all kinds of people, not just the ones who are able to homeschool.

GRACE’S PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT – Grace is very shy and clingy when we’re around in public settings. We have seen how she can shine when she’s on her own in a group without us. We want her to grow and develop her decision-making skills. She also hates that we hang out with “babies” so much. Most of our friends have kids Alice’s and Charlie’s ages. Homeschooling would mix her with all ages (sometimes), but mostly she’d be home with the babies. Grace needs to be able to be with people her own age. She is very shy sometimes, but there are times when you get her alone with a kid her age that her personality really shines.

FINANCIAL – Maryland leaves homeschoolers to their own devices. No money, no going to the public school for choir class, nothing. We have tons of student loans to pay off. The regular curriculum itself would cost some money, but all the extra classes we’d want to put Grace in just to get her what the public school kids get for free would cost a ton.

ALICE (and Charlie) – We feel like Alice really gets less attention when Grace is around. It’s so fun to do activities with Grace because she’s older and smarter. Alice never has alone time with us, and then acts out to get attention. We feel like Alice deserves a turn to "rule the roost" while Grace is at school, and to get a start on her own education. The baby gets more attention this way too.

ADULTS – We want Grace to be exposed to lots of different adults (teacher, principal, custodians, PE teacher, etc.) and learn how to interact with them. We also want her to have a lot of different people to learn from, not just her parents. (Yes, there are homeschool co-ops and costly classes, but in practice she’d mostly just be learning what Paul and I know.)

Obviously, almost all of these could be rebutted by the homeschool side. We have nothing against homeschool and would do it in a second if we felt like it was right for us right now, or if we felt like the alternative was horrible. But we have prayed and pondered about this a lot. We wanted to make sure we could defend our decision and that we were doing what was best for Grace and for our family. We wanted to be able to say we had an eternal perspective in mind and had the Lord’s guidance, not that we took the easy way out. I’m not doing this for a break (I don’t get one anyway), or even for the cost or the effort. This is the right thing for us to do right now, and we’re sticking by it.

Since making this decision, we have been blessed. Grace was put in the advanced first grade class with a teacher she loves. This woman is surely the reason God inspired us to send Grace to this school. She works late hours to find more and more ways to challenge her students. She fights to get permission to allow her students to not be held back by "the system". She is very aware of Grace and keeps in good contact with me. Grace is exposed to so many things I didn't know she was capable of. This woman has Grace using "cynically" and "insolently" correctly in casual conversation! I don't worry about Grace's academics in that class.

Grace has so many friends at this school: American, African, Asian, Indian, and of many different religions. I really feel that Grace benefits from all these interactions with people that are often so different from her. She is learning how to resolve conflicts with them, be her own person, and stand up for what she believes. 

I am grateful that Grace has the opportunity to attend a good public school with great classmates and an excellent teacher. I feel like my husband and I are partners with the teacher. We work with Grace on her homework, but also do other learning and enriching activities with her outside of school. We make sure we know everything she's doing at school, and take full responsibility for her spiritual education. Grace actually gets the best of both worlds: she's homeschooled AND public schooled!