Getting Past "How was school today?" - by Bethany

My oldest daughter, Grace, has always been very verbal. I think it has something to do with the pacifier she sucked on almost constantly until she was 3. She had to learn to speak very clearly to be understood around it. It was fun to talk to her even as a toddler, and she was my constant companion and buddy.

When she started going to the nursery at church, and later preschool, I hated the few hours each week that I had no idea what Grace was doing. Why wasn't the teacher sending a note home telling me, in detail, what Grace did for the two hours we were apart, minute by minute? I hoped that Grace would be more of a help to me in this, but "How was preschool?" was always answered with "Fine", and "What did you do in nursery?" always led to "I can't remember." Sometimes I'd get lucky if something super out-of-the-ordinary happened, and get a "We had cupcakes for Jack's birthday!", but that was rare.

I don't want to be an obsessive parent who pries into every aspect of my child's life (okay, we do have a baby monitor in our 6-year-old's bedroom - we have our reasons...), but I do want to be involved, and make sure my child knows I'm interested and that I care about what she does all day. If I don't dig a little deeper, I don't find out that she couldn't find anyone to play with a recess that day, or that she thinks the little boy who sits next to her might like her.

In pre-k and kindergarten, I would have other parents from Grace's class ask me: "How did you know about that project they did, or that thing that happened in class? My kid never seems to have anything to say when I ask about school." Well, here's my secret: I ask A LOT of SPECIFIC questions to Grace everyday as soon as she gets home from school. I make it casual and not pushy, but she knows it's coming everyday, and though she sometimes rolls her eyes, I think she actually appreciates that I care enough to ask. 

Every year I base my questions off things I care about, things I know about her school, her class, her friends, her concerns, and her life, and the class schedule her teacher gives out. 

Here is my general list of questions for this year:
1. How was your bus ride? Who did you sit with? Did you talk about anything?
2. What was your warm-up activity when you got to school?
3. What did you do in music/PE? Did you like it? Did you feel like you were good at it? Show me!
4. What did you do for reading? Who's in your reading group?
5. Did you like your lunch? Did you eat it all? Did you talk to anybody?
6. What did you do for math today?
7. What did you do for science, social studies, or health today?
8. Who did you play with at recess? What did you play?
9. Any stories about your friends?
10. Any stories about your teacher?
11. Any special projects or other special things?
12. Were you nice to everyone? Was everyone nice to you?
13. Did you go potty at school?
14. Any other stories?

It sounds like a lot, and sometimes it does take a long time to get through it all, but I want her to be able to talk to me about the 6 hours she was away from home. I wouldn't feel like a responsible parent if I didn't follow up on what my 6-year-old did while we were apart for almost the entire day.

I really hope I can continue doing this as my kids get older. It takes most of Sunday lunch to get through each person's account of what they did at church, but this is important stuff that they're learning, and I wanna know about it! The more I know about what my kids are doing or learning or struggling with, the more I can build on their strengths and interests, and help with their challenges. I want to have an open (and informed) relationship with my children. 

Alice started preschool this year. After two hours at a friend's house twice a week, she gets in the car and knows what's coming. "How was preschool, Alice?", to which she replies: "Questions, please!"