The babysitting thing can be an issue, so we had to get creative. We weren't going to give up our weekly date, we just had to broaden our definition, while not losing too much of the benefit. Here's how we decided to define a date:
1. It must be planned ahead.
2. No kids allowed. (They can be in the house with you, but must be asleep, and in a different room.)
3. Movies or TV shows are only allowed if they are specifically researched and chosen ahead for a reason, and then not too often.
That's it. We took turns planning a date every week, and have been doing it this way for years.
So, after YEARS of experience, here are some in-house date ideas (all FREE, or at least very cheap!) that we have tried:
1. What art supplies do you have around the house? We have done pencil drawings together, watercolor painting, and even made a fireplace together out of construction paper - we really wanted one to hang our stockings over!
2. What games do you own, or could you borrow? We have been building up our two-player game collection for a long time. We love Scrabble, Quiddler, Qwirkle, and Monopoly Deal. We also had a date where Paul taught me how to play chess, and another one where we looked up a bunch of different games to play with face cards. It's always fun to make up our own rules for games that get old (Skip-Bo), or turn games you wouldn't think of into 2-player games - Risk is an interesting one. Another variation: we filmed ourselves playing Scrabble, and then watched it in fast motion time-lapse!
3. Holiday-related dates - When our kids were too young to care, we had a date carving pumpkins, making caramel apples, and toasting pumpkin seeds. Even now that our oldest is six, we sometimes carve a few pumpkins with the kids, then carve our own after they're in bed, when we can enjoy it together.
Christmas is always a fun one. We had one date cutting out paper snowflakes, dancing to Christmas music, and watching a cheesy Christmas movie on Lifetime. Another time, we were spending Christmas at my parents' house. For some reason, everyone else was gone and we were at the house with our sleeping kids, so we turned off all the lights, turned on the fire and the tree, and watched Mr. Kreuger's Christmas together. It was perfect!
4. FOOD! - There is so much you can do with food on a date. After watching a lot of cake decorating shows, we decided to try making buttercream frosting and fondant for a date one night. It was a successful date, if not a successful cake.
We love cooking together any chance we get, but it usually only works after the kids are in bed. So sometimes we feed the kids early, and then cook a fun dinner together after they go to bed. Or I quickly prepare a nice candlelit meal while Paul puts the kids to bed. It's so nice to have a peaceful dinner together!
Who doesn't love the book "How Are You Peeling?" by Saxton Freymann? It certainly inspired us!
5. Crafts - One time, I went to the dollar store and bought wooden aircraft kits for us to put together.
Another time, our only option for a date was the two hours between General Conference sessions when the kids were napping. We learned how to make tissue paper flowers together.
And maybe this should've gone in the holiday category, but we did these mod podge/tissue paper/jar/Christmas lights Halloween decorations for a date one time too.
6. Kids' toys - We love to play with our kids' toys when they're asleep, because we never get to do what WE want to do with them when the kids are awake. Once we had a "be a kid again" theme date. We colored in coloring books, played with play doh, and ate corn dogs and jello jigglers.
Another time, we used the kids' toys to make sculptures. We actually got the idea from a cub scout requirement where you have to try out different disabilities. Paul wasn't allowed to speak and I wasn't able to hear, but we made this together:
We also used the kids' toys one time to build indoor mini golf holes for each other!
And of course, there's always forts - we left this one up for the kids to play in the next morning!
7. Books and magazines - We have been gifted subscriptions to different food magazines over the years, and we love to save them to look through together, and then sometimes cook something together.
We also had a date one time where we each chose a few books in the house that we wished we had time to read, but never had. Together, we read the first few pages of each of the books. Another time, I got a short middle school level novel from the library that we read together. It was fun!
8. The backyard - With the kids asleep, we bring the baby monitor out back with us, so we can still do some fun outdoor activities. Once, during naptime, we played in the snow together.
One evening, I came home from a church activity, and Paul had the back deck set up with romantic music and wine glasses filled with cream soda and sherbet! Another time, in a different house, I came home from sewing group and he had Christmas lights set up on the back patio, with blankets and hot chocolate. Can you tell I married a romantic?
9. Movies and TV - We like to choose movies or TV shows that the other person would particularly want to watch. I sat through a Star Trek movie for Paul, and he sat through Brigadoon for me. One time I brought home a dance instruction video for us to try. Another time, Paul did a pregnancy yoga video with me.
10. Other ideas we've tried -
- Discussion topics - What would you do with $100 million? What do you miss from when we were dating? Tell me about your best friend in grade school. Make a list of a bunch of questions like this and get to know each other better. These have been great for long car rides, or even for a date when one of us is sick!
- Shortly after learning the gender of our baby, we had a date looking at baby names, taking baby name quizzes, and scouring our family history records for names we liked.
- Make a list of everything you want in your dream home. Use an online visualization tool like this one or this one.
- Paul is so good about knowing when I'm stressed. He uses these times to plan dates where he helps take something off my plate. One time, we had a date tying a quilt I was working on. Another time, we cut and sewed a stuffed toy for our daughter for Christmas. He even used a date to help me finish putting my mission scrapbook together!
There are so many options! Think about you and your spouse's interests and talents. Think about your resources. There is so much you can do with a camera or a computer or even a pen and paper! Make it a priority, be consistent, and PLAN AHEAD. I keep a list in the back of my planner at all times. Whenever I get an idea, I write it down, so I always have stuff to draw from.
It was a lot of work to remember all these in-house dates, but a lot of fun too. How do you think I remembered them all? We reminisced through years of old blogs together - as a date!
Make dates happen every week with your spouse - it's worth it!
(This blog was by request from my cousin, Elaine. Tune in next Wednesday for my blog on FREE out-of-the-house dates!)
Good ideas. We should try some of these.
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